Barney Stinson

The beauty called NOTHING!

 I’d been given the task of writing an article which would be at least close to, if not as good as, entertaining today’s fast-paced-micro-blogging-addicted crowd. So in my mind I had my task cut out for me- To be able to write something which sets the trend of awesomeness to maintain the cool quotient of our oh-so-cool blog.

Finally, after days of thinking and introspecting and with a great amount of help from my fellow limes, I’m happy to say I came up with… *drum roll please* …NOTHING!!!  Yes, that’s right I drew up a blank. For the first time in my life I’ve truly come to appreciate the complexities of our mind. In our whole day, the entire 86400 seconds that we breathe, our mind is filled with a million thoughts of varied topics ranging from what you feel like eating today to terrorism to sex to contemplating if you want to shit right now or not. Now, with these many number of interesting topics to dwell on, you’d imagine that finding a topic to write a piece on should be easy. Wrong. I thought that way too until I finally sat down to write and realized that suddenly all that frenzied activity going on in my upper storey 24/7 has come to a standstill! I said, “Aww c’mon brain! Don’t you have some priorities? This is important. I really need you to do the lucky draw thingy and come up with a nice and lovely topic on which I can write nice and lovely stuff”. Now you’d think your own brain would at least listen to what you say, if not what others say. But guess what, mine had apparently gone on a vacation.

There I was stuck in my bed trying to think up something interesting to write. Why stuck in my bed, you ask? Well, it’s nothing much really. I’ve fractured my vertebrae so I’m confined to my bed at the moment. You see, I’m a swimmer and at the end of one of my training sessions, the spirit of the devil himself entered my body and made me do a head-first dive with the sole aim of hitting my head onto the pool floor. Or so I’d like to believe. I mean, c’mon what else explanation is there? Who else would do something as stupid and foolish as this? Not me, for sure. So I’ve concluded that it was someone else altogether, something very evil, that made me do it.

As I was saying, here I am stuck in my bed trying to give my brain, if not my body, some exercise. I keep thinking and thinking and thinking. And it’s with great pleasure I can say that my efforts finally paid off. True story- I had a divine intervention of sorts with thy holy Barney Stinson himself coming up before me and gave me the most awesomest piece of advice. And it’s only on his advice that I finally decided to write on nothing.

You see friends, nothing is nothing but a state of mind wherein we think we’re thinking nothing but in reality we’re thinking of nothing which makes us think of something. Therefore, nothing equals to something. Therefore when we say nothing, we’re actually saying something. When we say we’re feeling nothing, guess what, we’re actually feeling something! This theory is brilliant, isn’t it? I personally feel this discovery of mine deserves a mention in the Speaking Tree at least, if not the front page of The Times Of India. I’d say I’m exceptional and take the entire credit for this discovery but you see I’m not such a lowlife. I’d like to thank my laptop and my bed that have supported me throughout this discovery and helped me in getting it across to you guys.

Now that we’re done here I’d like to say the smart readers would have noticed that in the entire write-up I’ve spoken of basically nothing. I’ve thrown around a few big words; a few smart lines here and there and made up the entire article. It is like a huge present which has been beautifully wrapped with extremely glossy and attractive paper and then you open it only to find a frikkin’ completely dried ink- not working- pen. Yes, it’s like that with most of us too. We say a lot of beautiful and interesting things which actually mean nothing. Case in point, politicians, world leaders, and… ummm some more politicians. I’m not thrashing politicians here, mind you. In fact I’m appreciative of their ability to make a complete fool out of us by saying a lot and meaning nothing. It is an art, guys, and one which cannot be acquired even with a lot of practice. You need constant and diligent efforts, determination, dedication and an immense focus in order to master this art.

To those of you not-so-smart readers, if you have actually managed to make sense of what you’ve read above and learnt something from it, hats off to you guys. You have managed to do something that even I could not. Keep up the good work.

That’s all I have to say for now. Thank you to those who’ve read this for bearing with me. A no-thank you to those who’ve not yet read it and worse not even visited our blog (seriously, I can’t believe such people even exist!). I hope that the next time I sit down to write something I come up with nice and lovely topics on which I can write nice and lovely stuff but till then I’m sure you’ll make-do with what we have here Ciao.

-LekhaKamath

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